Wednesday 27 August 2008

Short Story: My Hero


My Hero

I think it is impossible to avoid emotional scarring from the way you were raised. Even if you grow up in a stable, loving environment, you are guaranteed to suffer many traumatic events which will have untold repercussions later in life. From a very early age, it was determined that my relationships with women would be nothing short of completely horrifying, the largest contributing factor being my own family.

Growing up as the youngest of four children offered me a graphic, and sometimes harrowing, insight into the world of women and sex. At the tender age of eight, I developed an unhealthy fascination with older women. When I was barely nine years old, my older sister Cara was in her late teens and embracing the world of binge drinking, drug abuse and all night parties.

My parents worked all the hours God sent so I was constantly left in her care. Although Im not sure care is quite the right word. As a result, I frequently found myself surrounded by excitable teenage girls wearing extremely revealing clothing and knocking back red wine and vodka at a rate that would make hardened alcoholics shake their heads with disbelief. It worried me that my sister referred to cider as mother's milk, whatever that meant.

When my parents went on weekend trips and my sister was left to babysit, our family home would transform into the ultimate underage drinking venue. Early nineties dance music would rattle the walls, providing the soundtrack to acne-infested adolescents having sex in the bathroom, dancing in the kitchen and the inevitable end of night fights that seemed to always result in my brother and sister frantically cleaning up broken ornaments or painting over blood stains on the wall. While these bizarre events took place, I wandered amongst them, relatively unnoticed, observing their utterly astounding behavior, while trying to catch glimpses of the fascinating variety of underwear the girls poorly concealed under their short skirts.

One of the main benefits of these experiences was that my vocabulary developed at an incredible rate, as I managed to memorise the most colourful verbs. I would then eagerly demonstrate my learning to friends at school. Apparently it is not acceptable for a nine year old boy to tell a girl who annoys him, Shove your pencil case up your bucket fanny. At the time I thought it was a fairly common blunder that anyone in my position could have made.

Another advantage of being so young was that there was no such thing as restricted access when it came to women. Nowhere was out of bounds because I wasnt really considered male due to my age. I was never asked to leave the room while my sister and her friends got ready for whatever party they were going to as I wasnt really there. I would sit in the corner, making as little noise as possible, and listen intently as they discussed boys they liked and spat verbal venom about girls they considered sluts or cows.

During these treasured moments of my youth, while other children were playing with action figures and watching with nervous anticipation as the one hundred and one Dalmatians made their bid for freedom, I was marveling at the shiny fabrics and intricate designs that covered teenage girls firm buttocks and rapidly developing breasts. As other children dreamt of Christmas presents and their favourite cartoon characters, I fantasised about removing teenage girls underwear and exploring what was underneath.

Of all my sisters friends, my personal favourite to watch was Nat. She was a couple of years older than my sister, which made her twelve years older than me and I absolutely adored her. Everything about her fascinated me: The way her voice always seemed to be an octave and ten decibels higher than everyone else in the room, soaring high above the loudest sound system, and her obscene taste in clothing that always incorporated gold, silver and sequins into every design.

All my sisters friends drank a lot. That was nothing unfamiliar or shocking. I just took it for granted that this was what all teenagers did. But Nat devoured alcohol like her life depended upon emptying a bottle of Tesco red wine within half hour intervals. Every time I saw her she seemed to be filling her oversized glass with more red wine, while holding a never-ending cigarette in her other hand. I remember thinking to myself, Where the hell do all these bottles of red wine keep coming from? Did she bring a suitcase with her that I didnt see? Do we have a cellar beneath the house that I dont know about? Everywhere she went there was a cloud of smoke and a stench of stale alcohol complimented by far too much cheap perfume, and I treasured every breath I inhaled. I would stare at her for hours and memorise everything she said, then lie in my bed at night and retell her stories to myself until I fell asleep. She was uncontrollable, mentally-imbalanced and utterly mesmerising. From then on, the only women I had any interest in were voluptuous, borderline alcoholics with loud, thundering voices and too much make up. Those were my beauty queens.

I was never in any doubt as to why my sister chose to associate with such people, she was just like them. For as long as I can remember, she has been everything I have ever aspired to be: Proud, strong and fearless.

I remember my mother taking me to St. Andrews Academy one day after primary school had finished because Cara had been caught fighting in the playground. I was a bit unresponsive on account of missing my favourite television show, just so I could watch my sister get another lecture from headmaster Logan about rules in the presence of my mother and I. If she hasnt learned by now, she isnt bloody going to. However, my mother was instantly in defensive mode, muttering threats under her breath of what she was going to do to the monster who had been harming her daughter, never once considering the possibility that my sister may have been the one responsible for the incident. You would think that my mother would start to see a pattern forming from the regular occurrence of these visits to the headmasters office and the undeniable fact that it was always Caras fault. Even if it was someone else who started whatever had transpired, my sister either had a pivotal role or took charge of the entire situation. It was downright inevitable. As it turned out, the truth behind the story was much more interesting.

When we arrived at the school office, Cara was sitting outside with a black eye, a burst lip and a smile of pure satisfaction on her face. She looked as if she had just won an Oscar for Best Actress. I dont think she even noticed that blood and puss was flowing from the corner of her right eye and her mouth looked like she had just gone nine rounds in a heavyweight championship title fight. I broke free from my mother's hand and sat down next to her. My mum didn't even acknowledge Cara. She simply stormed clean past her daughter and marched towards the headmaster's office. Cara gave me a little secret wink and chirped, "Hey freak."

I looked her up and down with raised eyebrows and muttered, “Look who’s talking.”

Cara simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders

Apparently Cara had been sitting in the playground with her friends, when a stray ball struck her in face from a nearby game of football. No damage was caused by the offence but my sister has the patience of a Rottweiler and nothing provokes her more than the invasion of her personal space. One of the boys, Stanley McCann, had made the fatal mistake of passing a comment at her expense and my sisters fuse exploded.

I only remember the victim’s name because I find it utterly ridiculous that parents would give their children melodic names that will inevitably become a source of mockery in the playground. Stan McCann? Come on. I may not be the smarted child but even I can spot a potential childhood disaster when I hear one. His parents must either be uncannily (uncannily, get it?) stupid or just downright loathe their son to give him a name that just screams to be made into a classroom chant. It is the kind of thing that adolescent trauma is made of.

Growing up in a house with two older brothers who have no respect for women had made my sister a merciless fighter who would use any tactic necessary to inflict as much pain as possible. This meant that kicks to the groin, hair pulling and eye gauging have become trademark manoeuvres in which she has the precision of a professional hit man. In a fight between two boys, such methods of defeating an opponent are considered cowardly but when a girl enters the equation, such rules simply do not exist. When the school janitor saw her, Cara had poor old Stan pinned to the floor and was punching him furiously in the face as he uttered high pitch screams and begged for help from his fellow classmates, who were too intimidated by Caras stocky figure to intervene. As a result, they simply stood at a safe distance and mocked their so called friends social homicide. They muttered comments about Stan being a pussy and one even remarked that he would give the bitch what she deserved if he was in that position, but none of those tough guys were brave enough to follow through and as a result, Stan got slaughtered.

Although my sister has always been strong and independent, she is still a woman and thus plagued by the same insecurities that thrives amongst the rest of her sex: The need to feel like a woman and be treated like one. When Stan unwittingly signed his own death certificate that afternoon, he didnt realise this simple fact. Women suffer most when they think that they are not valued in the basic aspects that separate them from men; their looks. Every woman possesses an image of herself that, even though racked with insecurities, they cherish. When someone tries to undermine that image, it causes them a pain that men will never know. The significant difference on this occasion is that rather than flee in a flurry of tears and hairspray, Cara resorted to her primal instinct, the one thing that never failed her in the past: Her undeniable ability to inflict pain upon anyone who tries to hurt her, either emotionally or physically. It was a pre-emptive strike she had learned at a very young age. One of the many lessons that having two complete arseholes for older brothers will teach any self-conscious young woman.

My sister was more than capable of reducing Stan, the acne infested, serial masturbator to dust with her razor sharp tongue. I have personally witnessed her immense talent for character destruction on many occasions. She is startlingly efficient. However, she knew where his weakness was, as it is the same Achilles’ heel that exists in all teenage boys. He had managed to make her feel like she wasnt of any value as a woman, so she decided to completely ruin his worth as a man by showing everyone he looked to for acceptance that he wasnt tough, masculine or powerful. She destroyed any hope he had of proving himself because as a member of the physically inferior sex, she managed to overpower him with her strength and make him cry (something that is strictly outlawed in the teenage boy note book, get your copy now for only £2.99 from all good book shops). Considering the effect such an incident could cause on his social standing, Cara may as well have thrown him off an apartment building. His placing in the social hierarchy of school was gone. He was officially the bottom of the food chain. Game over. Thats what happens when you refer to a girl who is self-conscious about her weight as a fat cow.

When the janitor finally managed to drag Cara off the burst balloon that was once an egotistical fifteen year old boy, she pulled free and stamped on his testicles one more time to give him a lasting reminder not to test her patience again. Think about that the next time you consider taunting teenage girls, Stanley McCannae fight for peanuts.

My mother, adamant as always in her childrens innocence, demanded an explanation as to how her daughter had managed to attain a bloody lip and swollen eye if she had apparently attacked this young boy. Apparently? I saw the guy two weeks later, passing by on the number eleven bus as I was cycling down South Beach Road. He looked like the living dead, and that was after the swelling had gone down. I thought someone had glued a mortuary photograph to the side of the bus! I was so frightened I almost swerved into an oncoming coffin dodger with a walking stick. Luckily I managed to regain my composure and only clipped her right foot with my tire. She didn’t go down though so I don’t think it really counts.

Headmaster Logan then proceeded to inform my mother that the injuries she spoke of were self-inflicted as a result of the numerous times Cara had head butted Stan (scran, pan, tan, clan, van) McCann in the face, fracturing his nose in the process. The only reason his parents werent willing to press charges is because they didnt want to explain in court that their son had a near death experience as a result of fighting with a girl who they considered to be socially inferior. Their family had more money than us. Apparently that makes us socially inferior.

As I sat and listened to this implausible yet completely accurate tale, I glowed with silent worship for my hero who totally annihilated a seventeen year old boy. To me, that was the equivalent of a quadriplegic wrestling a professional rugby player into submission. From that day onward, she had my uncompromising loyalty. I no longer looked to my brothers to protect me, not that I ever could, because I knew my sister was more than capable of keeping me safe from harm.

I learned a very important lesson that day. Never, under any circumstances, call a girl, no matter what shape or size, a ‘fat cow.’ You never know what imbalanced hormonal demons may be lurking inside her and your body could be reduced to nothing more than a vast collection of painful bruises and missing teeth.

Sunday 24 August 2008

The Jeph Howard Interview

Alot of skaters I have interviewed have pissed me off for various reasons. The main reason is their simple lack of communication. This is a complete mystery to me because you would think that a skater who wants to make a name for themselves in this industry would relish the opportunity to be interviewed. Most skaters do, until they realise that they may actually have to sit down and think about an reasonable answer to provide.


Jeph was great to work with. He always replied to emails within a short time frame and tried to be as helpful as possible with every other aspect. It pisses me off that Jeph isn't more of an icon within the sport because he encompasses many aspects which I think make a great skater. I'm not just talking about ability, I'm talking about attitude and responsibility. It is sickening to watch the endless parade of mindless idiots acting like gangster rappers or rock stars just because they have some talent on skates, when people like Jeph are patiently waiting in the sidelines to take their place.


Criminally Overlooked- The Jeph Howard Interview

The Court is in Session

Jeph Howard should call the police and get himself a good lawyer because he has one hell of lawsuit on his hands. Despite being arguably one of the best all round skaters in the world, he has been criminally overlooked time and time again. After hearing all of the evidence, any jury would stand up and deliver a verdict that everyone in the rollerblading community should already know: Jeph Howard deserves more acclaim for his ability.

The Minnesota born powerhouse has done everything: Won competitions, appeared in videos/ magazine interviews and promoted himself through various other mediums. Some narrow-minded charlatans would have you believe it is because of his fashion sense that he has failed to achieve international notoriety but that argument has no merit when similar skaters have enjoyed success. Once all of the evidence has been explored, it will be proven, beyond all questionable doubt, that Jeph should be compensated.

The Evidence

Jeph has gained the admiration of his peers for his outstanding skating ability, but he has earned their respect for being an approachable, fun-loving spirit that people cannot help but gravitate towards. For this reason, Jeph has been able to secure sponsorship from some of skating’s most significant brands.

”I started riding for B Unique because Courtney Brown and I became friends about five years ago. Now I am really close with both him and his brother. I became good friends with Franky Morales and when he asked me to be on the team I couldn’t turn him down.”

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last three years, it is impossible to overlook Jeph Howard. He is the quiet guy with the big smile and colourful baggy clothes that has been destroying every real street event across America. He will show up at a locally organised small town event and execute a trick that no one could even comprehend before that day. Jeph’s travels have taken him to the majority of his county’s states and during these travels he has never failed to place in the top three or win a prize for performing a terrifying stunt that leaves the crowd gasping for air.

Evidence of Jeph’s undeniable ability to compete on an international level was witnessed in Los Angeles on July 15th, 2003 when he took first place alongside Alex Broskow at the IMYTA. Despite achieving such a renowned world title that has been shared by the likes of Brian Shima and Chris Haffey, Jeph has not been fortunate enough to share their same success in terms of exposure or endorsements. When asked why he thinks he has been so overlooked despite publicising himself so persistently, Jeph responded:

“I personally think it has to do with the way I skate. It has been kinda crazy in the past but I have cleaned it up and focused on making my skating look the way I want it to. I’ve got a couple of sections coming up and I think people will open their eyes a little more to my skating.”

Jeph has featured in several video releases, including the infamous B Unique productions, producing outstanding sections that have instigated message board debates worldwide. When asked which sections he was most fond of, Jeph displayed his inner-perfectionist.

“I like my sections in 1131 and the section Zach Flugum made when I visited Oklahoma because I filmed a whole section in just five days. You can find it on Youtube. Other than that, I don’t like my sections. I don’t like my skating a lot of the time because I will do something and just think I can do something better than that. I can make it look better.”

Although Jeph Howard is recognised as one of the new breed of individuals taking skating into a faster, more technical and dangerous era, he has suffered several setbacks along the way that were not entirely his fault. Jeph is very open when he talks about his previous troubles with sponsors, specifically Salomon, who dropped him from the team unexpectedly.

“I'm not exactly sure why I got kicked off Salomon. I know Mike Wilson didn’t like me very much because he thought I wasn’t mature enough to handle my position as a pro skater. I don’t know what to say about that situation but I guess I have to respect it. I don’t feel I was treated fairly.”

If you look at the facts, it would appear that Mike Wilson had no grounds for such accusations. Jeph Howard has consistently produced outstanding video profiles on a regular basis, as well as the frequent appearance of rougher online edits. It was obvious that Jeph wouldn’t remain without a sponsor for long, but there were complications to compete with.

“I skated for Remz for a while, but they hurt my ankles a lot and I didn’t like royales on remz. They’re good skates, just not for me. In my opinion, Razors are simply the better skates. They treat their riders well and they always make sure I get the products I need. Plus, Geoff Acers is the man.”

“At the moment I’m riding for B Unique, Razors, Murder 1 and Aggressive Mall. They help me out with cash, plane tickets and everything else. Anything I need, they get it to me right away. I have nothing but respect for them.”

The Present

At the moment, life is quite hectic for Jeph Howard as he is joining some of his B Unique team mates and guests on the Ball 4 Real tour while they try and publicise freestyle rolling to a wider audience. The tour is for the duration of the summer so Jeph is bracing himself for the endurance he will require for such a tiring routine.

“Right now, we’re on the Ball 4 Real tour and my average day includes going to a random city, meeting someone I know from there to skate or chill with at the hotel. On event days we do little shows at the block party then go to the game. After that we travel to the next city and do it all again. It’s a lot of fun and I love how freestyle rolling is going. When it’s done, I’m going to go home and chill with my girl because I will have been on the road all summer.”


When Jeph is not on tour, he can be found in his local restaurant, waiting tables to support a passion that has thus far refused to offer him any financial rewards. However, he maintains a positive outlook.

“Right now I’m on tour so that’s what I’m focusing on. When I’m at home I usually work in restaurants as a server. I don’t mind it though. It’s pretty fun.”


Jeph recently moved to the other side of America with his girlfriend. It’s a long way from where he grew up in Minnesota, but he seems to be adjusting well to his new home in the South.

“I’m living in Florida at the moment. The guys here are some of the most amazing bad ass dudes you could ever meet. The skating is way different but so much fun. Tallahassee is probably the most amazing skate city in the US. I moved there for my girl because I want to build a life with her.”



The Closing

Jeph Howard has come a long way in a very short period of time. He has networked himself and become close friends with some of the most respected individuals in the industry through his infectious personality and carefree attitude. He may never achieve the international fame that local peer Chris Farmer has experienced, but one thing is certain: Jeph is not going to change for anyone and his skills are only getting stronger. You’ve been warned.




Nothing better to do...

I recently broke my arm skating and as a result have acquired four pins and an artificial elbow in my right arm. Bad news. As a result, I have been signed off from work for a month. Good news. After several days of watching daytime talk shoes and eating dry cereal straight out of the box, I decided to look through some old skate photos on my computer and found these ones. Ah, the memories...


Back savannah in Irvine circa 2005. I love the way this photo fails to show the awful run up to the rail and the muddy puddle that lurked at the landing. Gotta love Scottish skate spots.


This photo was also taken in Irvine earlier that day. We randomly found this rail whilst talking through the town centre. There was a metal grill run up and smashed Buckfast bottles at the bottom of the stairs. Never let it be said that I don't love a challenge.


Switch alley oop unity at the art school in Glasgow. Back in the day you could prove your worth as a skater by doing the most simple of tricks down this rail. These days you are nothing if you can't land at least 20 variations down the damn thing. It's terrifying to think how much skating has progressed over the years. In the not too distant future, we will be hurling abuse at athletes who have full use of their limbs because they have not sacrificed enough for our sport. The future holds worrying prospects.


The Korean Real Street Championships in 2006. Korean people are incredible. They are by far the friendliest and most enthusiastic people I have ever met. It doesn't hurt that they are also willing to get completely wasted at the drop of a hat. Once the competition was over we headed to a bar and spent the night getting so drunk we forgot what happened that day. Good times.

Back torque at St. George's Cross in Glasgow. If you are a skater from the UK and you don't know what St. George's, I pity you. All the greats have thrashed the hell out of it: Chris Doughty, Dale Heenan, Gavin Nelson, Chaz Sands, Brian Adams. Need I go on?

Rian Arnold- Australian Dynamite!

I don't know why but it seems that whenever I imagine something is going to be really difficult, it turns out to be relatively simple. I heard about Rian when I was living in Korea. My friend Chris told me about this amazing kid who came to the Asian X Games and just destroyed all the pro skaters. It turns out that kid was Rian and he's been doing the same thing at most events he has entered since. The interview below took place at the end of 2007.


Don't be deceived by the t-shirt that looks convincingly like a quirky woman's dress. Rian Arnold is big time when it comes to skating.


You know for a fact that as soon as that girl is out of sight the skate magazine will be replaced by a porno mag.


Rian Arnold does drop rails for a warm up. Step aside or get run over!

International Man of Mystery- The Rian Arnold Interview

Australia has a proud history of producing rollerblading pioneers. Over the years it has proven to be a breeding ground for talented individuals, including vert icons Tom Fry, Manuel Billaris and Cesar Mora, who collectively dominated the majority of international contests throughout the late nineties. Other exports include street skating wizards Josh Clarke, Dion Anthony and Sam Fogarty. The historians among you may even remember competition powerhouses Tim Ward and Blake Dennis, whose faces could be seen just as frequently on the winner’s podium and your favourite skate videos. The Australian skate scene has become smaller in recent years, with fewer athletes competing at an international level. However, it is gradually re-emerging and this is partially thanks to one young man’s efforts. His name is Rian Arnold.

There are still many out there who have yet to witness the unique talent that Rian possesses, as he has not appeared in many mainstream rollerblading films and is still to receive any major coverage in a rollerblading publication. However, this hasn’t stopped him taking top honours at the Asian X Games in 2005 and second place in the 2006 Arlo Eisenberg’s Hoedown, not to mention an impressive fifth place at the ASA World Championships in Texas in 2006.

Rian Arnold is part of the terrifying new breed of all round skaters who displays nothing short of complete comfort annihilating real street and skateparks alike. The worrying part is, he has only been skating for seven years and he is already competing at international level against some of the best skaters in the world and defeating them. It is scary to think that if it hadn’t been for his dad’s keen observation skills, none of this may have ever been possible.

“My father was driving home from work one day. He noticed a billboard advertising Vert X, an indoor skatepark on the side of the highway. I had a pair of crappy Ultra-wheels and my father took me to Vert X. That’s when the love affair began. I received my first pair of aggressive skates on my 11th birthday in August 2000. That was 7 years ago.”

Over the last few years, Rian has been silently creeping across the globe and appearing at a small selection of the world’s most respected events and completely blowing his idols out of the water, many of which have been by complete chance due to his passion for travelling and his close bonds with friends in other parts of the world.

“In 2005 I went to Korea to compete in the Asian X games. It was just a great excuse to see my friend that I met the previous year at Jr. X Games. I ended up winning, which was a crazy surprise. I didn't even think I was going to make the finals. Last year I wanted to go to America to skate and I found out that the ASA Am Finals were in Texas and one of my good friends Keaton Newson lived there. He said it was cool to stay at his for the comp. I arrived one week early for a holiday and to watch the Hoedown. At first I didn’t want to enter. I didn’t wanna look like an idiot in front of all the big names. Keaton made me enter and also paid for my entry fee and I made it through the rounds. Hoedown was the best comp that I have ever entered and I would love to do it again.”

Rian undoubtedly has the ability to compete on the pro circuit alongside the renowned elite such as Haffey and Aragon. There’s just one problem: Rian is only too aware of a volatile rollerblading industry that has yet to stabilize itself within mainstream culture. As a result, he refuses to jeopardise his future for something that may not offer him any rewards. When asked if he could ever picture himself making a living from something he is clearly gifted at, the young rollerblading prodigy revealed that he was certain that further education is the best path he can take at this moment in time.

”I don’t think you can make a career from being just a roller, unless you are born in Japan and you are doing crazy super duper triple flatspins and sponsored by Toyota. Nah, I don’t want to make a career outta skating. I’ll just stick to having fun with all my crippies back here in Australia. At the moment I’m really concentrating on studying for my final year 12 exams and really wanting to get the marks I need to go to university in the future.”


Rian has the support of several organizations within his home country. When asked what his current situation regarding sponsorship consisted of, he unwittingly released some exclusive information about one of the longest running companies in street skating, Cozmo.

”I’m sponsored by Cozmo Wheels. Cozmo are designing new wheels that will last a lot longer on street and are also in the process of designing a new skate that will come with 8 Flat Cozmo wheels stock. The new Team will consist of Walt Austin and me at the moment. I also ride for Parallel clothing based in Melbourne Victoria. Manly blades/Skaters HQ is my local skate shop and has been the best sponsor. Bill at Manly Blades is a great guy and has tried to hook me up in every way possible, even if it’s little demos at schools to get me some spare cash on the side.”

Despite making friends all over the world and winning the respect of rollerblading legends one competition at a time, Rian loves nothing more than to skate with the people he grew up with in his home country: ”Like every roller in the world, my rolling mates are generally my closest mates. The cool cats I skate with are Simon Witold, Bonaventura Dorbialski, C.J. Welsmore, Tien Nguyen, Hareth, the 2 random Dubia skaters Mas and Feras, Martin Tim Mcpherson, and a group of cool kids that I love called the BYK. All of us skate all over Sydney and Australia.”

The next twelve months will be pivotal in deciding Rian’s future. He will finish secondary education and have to make the important choice of what to do next. Despite the impending pressure, Rian seems confident when discussing what lies ahead. At the moment, he is simply enjoying being young and taking life one step at a time.

”After my exams I think I’m going to take a year off and visit my best friend in
France. I’ll also be heading to America to skate for a bit and to chill with some homies I haven’t seen in years.”

Rian has what it takes to become the next big thing in rollerblading. His skill, style and positive attitude are the attributes that one could easily find in a future rolling idol. The only question is, will we lose him to an outside world with greater opportunities? Only time will tell.




The Austin Paz Interview

Austin Paz is a skate magazine's dream. He is efficient, hard working and more than willing to do his fair share in order to get a result. To compose this entire interview, I simply emailed Austin twice. Once to get enough material for the article and again to remind him to email me the action shots he had gathered. I wish there were more skaters in our industry who took such a proffessional approach to their career.


For all you pro/ am skaters out there who bitch and whine that you don't get enough recognition yet don't want to make the sacrifices that it take to get exposure, athletes like Austin Paz are going to walk all over you suckers.


Straight Outta Staten - The Austin Paz Interview



Like an overnight music sensation, Austin Paz appeared on the skating scene with an impact that was both impressive and worrying. He seemed to come out of nowhere with a selection of high profile sponsors under his belt and a vast array of tricks at his disposal. Many questioned the potential longevity of his career because his rise to recognition appeared to be so instant and effortless. Unlike fickle one-hit wonders, Austin's foray into the limelight was not the result of a record company's expensive advertising campaign. It is the culmination of meticulous networking and self-created exposure that Austin has managed to create a buzz around his name. Find out how it all began and why the world will see a lot more from the Staten Island ninja known as PZA.

It will come as a shock to many people that Austin has actually been skating for a considerable amount of time. His first venture into the world of rollerblading took place almost 12 years ago after being inspired by his older brother.

"I remember seeing my brother and a few of his friends fly down the block going mad fast on their skates and it took off from there. My parents got me a pair of skates for my birthday and I began tagging along with my brother and his boys."

Austin surprised himself by discovering that he had a natural talent on skates and from then onwards the only thing he could think about was progression.

"The first memories I have of me on skates is when I first got those skates for my birthday. I was just learning how to skate straight without busting my ass. I think I was pretty good for my first day on skates. After that I remember someone showing me how to soul grind on the curb in front of my house and it was all uphill from there."

From the Slums of Shaolin

Raised on Staten Island, Austin hails from the home of rap's most influential act and one of his favourite groups, Wu Tang Clan. It is also the birthplace of a young man who has become recognised as an icon for his generation in the skating world, close friend and mentor Billy O'Neill. Austin's childhood friend has played a pivotal role in ensuring he was able to secure that important initial exposure so he could project himself on an international level, backed by the vital necessity in any rollerblader's career: Sponsorship. Soon enough, Austin was showing up at skate spots with Billy O'Neill and displaying his undeniable ability on skates. Needless to say, it didn't take long before companies started seeing what all the hype was about.

"I usually stay in Staten Island with my boys Fish and Franco Cammayo. Fish was riding for Eulogy and he got a chance to put a couple of skaters on flow, so he chose Thomas Lipani, Alex Nunez and me. As for B Unique, I'm not exactly sure how I started riding for them. When Fish started skating for B Unique again I was always with him so they got to see me skate. I guess it came from that. I started riding for Valo almost two years ago after USD stopped sending me skates, I messaged Jon online and he was was 100% down with me representing Valo."

It's not difficult to see how Austin has become a poster boy for companies such as Eulogy with his uncanny resemblance to Colin Farrell and that New York charm that is a trademark of local legends such as Mike Johnson. His confidence is addictive, and clearly visible when he discusses what skating means to him.

"Skating is raw ass shit. There are no limits to skating and kids continuously push the envelope to shit you would never think of. My skating has that rough, in your face, New York City attitude, but with that 'smooth operator' feel to it. Haha!"

In the past two years, Austin has been impossible to ignore. He has featured on every major skating website with online edits, pictures and interviews. His name is a regular feature on Be-Mag, Empire and Valo's infamous C.O.W. This persistent self-promotion has created a minor phenomenon around his name that is not unjustified considering the high level of talent he possesses. When asked if he believed such measures were necessary in creating a sustainable skating career, Austin had this to say:

"If you're not going to expose yourself, how is anyone going to know you exist? You have to keep people interested and I think online edits are a good way to promote that. So when I'm not at work I'm skating, travelling, filming, shooting pics, editing or fucking around with photoshop. You got to get on your grind."

Austin is not conceded enough to believe that he can make a living from skating, or that any money he does generate will survive the duration of his adult life. As a result, he has made sure that his financial situation is stable while he pursues his passion in life: Skating.

"I work at an accountant's office, so from January to April I work 60+ hours a week because it's tax season. During this time, I don't have many chances to skate. The rest of the year I only work 2-3 days a week. All I do is work and skate. I have more time for travelling and skating so I'm going to focus on that because my body won't allow me to do this for the rest of my life. I'm going to take advantage of all the fun times I could be having on my skates while I can."



Tales from the City

Growing up and skating within the confines of the world renowned New York skate scene, there was never a dull moment for Austin. Each weekend he would take to the streets of New York City and nothing short of total mayhem would take place. Austin reflects on the times he shared with his friends on skates and remembers all the chaos they caused in their callous youth.

"Back in the day when everyone was little, people skated through the city in groups of 30 or more kids causing mad ruckus in the streets. Kids would throw open garbage bags into shop doors, dump sodas onto cabbies who had their windows open, rob news stands on the sidewalks and a whole bunch of other crazy shit. We would get on trains packed with skaters smelling like feet. There were so many skaters that no one could really do anything about it. It's all different now that everyone has grown up though. Cruising down the sidewalks of midtown and downtown during the week when the sidewalks are packed with people is the best. To skate with your boys, going as fast as you can, weaving in and out of people is amazing. Also, if security guards are kicking you out of a spot and you don't listen to them and they say they're calling the cops, that means you've got another hour or so to skate the spot because cops in NYC have got a lot more shit to worry about than a couple of kids skating. We were skating this spot the other day and got kicked out. We ignored the security guards and they were trying to flag down cop cars but they just ignored the security guards too. The guards ended up watching us skate for about an hour."

Just Getting Started

Anyone who is foolish to believe that Austin is going to simply disappear from the spotlight like many gifted skaters before him is dearly mistaken. Staten Island's finest is mastering his craft with every new day and pushing the envelope in terms of promotion that has cast a shadow over other more established professionals. Austin Paz is a skate company's dream. He takes the time and effort to promote himself without the help of team videos or advertising campaigns. His reputation has been created, to a greater extent, by his own hard work. There are no signs of this phenomenon slowing down any time soon as Austin gives us a brief insight into what we can expect from him in the near future.

"I have some footage in the new B Unique video. I don't know if it is a split section or profile because I haven't seen it yet but the people who saw a sneak preview in Europe gave it really good reviews, and that wasn't even the whole video. Apart from that, I will be travelling as much as possible to entertain and impress as many people as I can. I've got some other things in the works but I've got to keep that on the low for now."

There is no doubt in my mind that the world will soon see what Valo, B Unique, Eulogy and Able have known for some time: Austin Paz is the future. He has already built the foundations for what promises to be a lengthy career as a professional skater and if his predecessors are anything to go by, we should start saving our money now for the endless list of pro models that he will no doubt receive in the foreseeable future. Just like Wu Tang Clan, Austin Paz ain't nothin' to fuck with.

J.C. Rowe is hard work

Last year, Be-mag asked me to interview J.C. Rowe for an online feature. I was accustomed with interviewing pro skaters through my own efforts of numerous emails, phone calls and instant message chats. When Be-mag provided me with his details I was excited because I enjoy watching J.C.'s skating. More importantly, I was looking forward to doing less work because I had already completed the first hurdle, I had his contact details and I knew he was willing to do the interview. Hard part over... or so I thought.


It turns out J.C. Rowe is one of the most difficult people I have ever had to interview. You have to prize answers out of him with a crow bar. Everything I asked was either met with a one-word answer of one that did not have any reference to the question. It quickly became very frustrating and I soon regretted agreeing to the assignment.


Don't get me wrong. He is a nice guy. I'm just not very certain that his attention span is very long. In fact, that could be the most understated thing I have ever said about another human being in my life...


Speaking in Riddles- The J.C. Rowe Interview

J.C. Rowe is a self-aware enigma. Getting a straight answer out of him is like trying to get a sensible sentence out of a child plagued with a Ritalin addiction: It just doesn’t happen. Maybe it’s the copious amounts of Mountain Dew he consumes at an alarming rate. Maybe it’s that he just doesn’t want to give away the secrets locked away in his mind. Either way, the replies he provided proved to be interesting to say the least. One thing became painfully obvious: J.C. likes to go off on a tangent and say whatever it is that he feels is necessary. The Detroit native failed to clear up many of the mysteries that seem to surround him concerning spontaneous sponsor changes and his sudden rise to international recognition since his appearance in Dave Paine’s Videogroove 22. Could it be that the rapidly progressing urban wizard is a cunning composer of riddles? Only those close to him can truly know. All that is certain is that J.C. Rowe is an incredibly gifted athlete, and a very strange individual.

Several years ago, J.C. Rowe made the decision to move from his home state of Michigan and relocate half way across America to Wesminster, California. Like many skaters before him and many more that are sure to follow, he chose to follow his dreams and base himself closer to the heart of the industry in San Diego. However, he soon came to understand the grim realities that faced him as an aspiring pro skater.

“I first made plans to move out to California 5 years ago, although I had no idea what I was getting myself into. At that time there was still a good number of people making their living from skating. After a few years the industry was becoming smaller and less capable of providing a living for many pros. As people started doing other things and skating less, I began skating more and started showing up in magazines and videos. I knew how things were money-wise at this point, but it didn't matter. I was getting to do what I had always wanted to. I was living my dream. However, the pro skater life ended about 2 years ago when I realized I needed to get a job”

Despite the fact that J.C. Rowe has risen to international notoriety thanks to a memorable performance in Carl Sturgess’ epic Killerboots, there are still bills to pay and responsibilities to fulfill. Luckily, unlike many of his peers, J.C. was not naïve enough to believe he could simply survive on his endorsements alone and set out to find himself a stable form of income. However, he does hold a slight grudge against the fact that it does intrude on his cherished time spent on skates.

“At the moment I work in the office of a window tinting company. They do cars, buildings and houses. I run the automotive department. I work every Saturday, which is probably the only thing I don’t like. On a Saturday when everyone goes out skating, I'm busy talking to people about their cars. I have a full time job and a sold out pro wheel. Not bad, eh?”

Not bad indeed. J.C. is currently skating for Eulogy wheels, Fifty-50 frames, Sixwonsix clothing, Night hardware, Octona skateshop and Crap bearings: An impressive list of sponsors that not many of his fellow professionals can boast. The more observant of you will notice that there are two notable absences from that list of endorsements: Senate and Remz. J.C. became the topic of many debates among rollerblading fans everywhere when Eulogy suddenly released a pro wheel with his name on it. This came as a shock to many enthusiasts within the industry, as J.C. was widely regarded as the new face of Senate, under the guidance of veteran pro skater Kevin Gillan. It is unclear to this day if Senate has simply ceased trading or if the relationship between the two simply ceased to function. When asked what happened with Senate to prompt such a move, J.C. seemed reluctant to go into specifics. He simply said, “I guess I realized after a few months of intercepting and stealing Eulogy wheels that were supposed to be sent to my house for Rob G that I should make the switch myself, and tell Rob I owe him some wheels.”

This seemed like an extremely odd response considering in the short period of time J.C. has skated for the brand he has received two pro model wheels and previous interviews suggested that his relationship with team manager Kevin Gillan was really good. For the past six months J.C. has also been seen riding on Xsjados, which came as a surprise to many as he was a well known member of the Remz team and until recently featured heavily on their website with regular online edits. The fact that J.C. left Remz without any motive to ride for another company poses many questions. When asked what prompted the departure from a team that he seemed so suited to, J.C. replied, “Apparently there are no more Xsjados in my size anywhere. I wish didn't start liking a skate so much right before they became extinct.”

Eager to know if there had been a dispute with owner Kato or conflict with other members of the Remz team, I pushed J.C. for an answer but he seemed unwilling to provide one. Instead of saying why he left the team, he simply declared what weren’t the reasons for his departure. It is evident that J.C. prefers to keep certain aspects of his career as a pro skater private.


”I think everyone expects me to say ‘because I didn't get a pro skate’, which is stupid. Skating for Remz gave me the opportunity to do a lot of skating and travelling, which is more than I could have asked for. It didn't matter if I was going to ever get a pro model skate or even another paycheck for my skating, and it still doesn't. The reason I skate is for fun. That's why I started and that's why tomorrow on my day off I just want to go skating with my friends.”

If you have ever wondered what a normal day is like for J.C. Rowe then I am afraid you are going to have to continue wondering. When asked what J.C. usually does to keep his conscious hours occupied, he was more interested in detailing what he likes to fill his stomach with. However, he was gracious enough to give us the briefest insight into his life once he was done listing his favourite junk food indulgences.


”I have donuts and vitamin water for breakfast, hamburger or pizza for lunch, and usually pizza again for dinner. I drive an old Bimmer a few miles to work. I spend my spare time with my friends, or drawing and listening to music. Oh and I usually beat Chris in a couple games of pool, haha!”


J.C. Rowe tends to go off on tangents when faced with basic questions. It is difficult to assert whether or not this is due to the fact that he didn’t want to give out certain details or that his mind simply wandered off track at certain points during the interview. It doesn’t really matter either way. His skating ability is undeniable. Anyone who has witnessed J.C. in the flesh or viewed his astounding performances in Videogroove or Killerboots cannot deny that he is at the forefront of modern rollerblading. This is reflected by the fact that he has a sponsor list that many of his fellow professionals would envy. Look out for J.C. Rowe in the new Sixwonsix team video that is set for release very soon. If his last performances are anything to go by, it will certainly be a profile to be admired time and time again.



Something Isn't Right


Next up is the second article I had published, which appeared in both Unity and Be-mag back in 2004. Again, I am perfectly happy to raise my hands and confess that I have pontificated to the point of masturbation on this one. However, a very good friend of mine Alistair Allan provided the artwork you see for this article which I now have framed in my flat. At least some good came of my overzealous ranting. Interesting fact, as well as being a great artist, Alistair is also an amazing skateboarder. Just goes to show, they're not all bad...


Something Isn't Right

How many times have you been out skating and seen one of those signs? You know the ones I mean. The kind that look down on you with scorn and resentment, like a businessman passing a homeless person on the street on his way to work. The signs that tell you your passion, your belief structure, your way of life, is wrong. Every time skaters venture into a city centre metropolis, they are frequently confronted by notices put up by city councils and private businesses, which tell us that what we do is simply unacceptable in contemporary society. They usually say something to the same effect as, "skateboarding and rollerblading in strictly prohibited etc. etc." But why?

Criminal Damage?

In cities such as London and Manchester, putting on a pair of rollerblades risks the possibility of being prosecuted. If you are found to be skating on a company's private property or a crowded public area in either of these cities, you are liable for a fine to the extent of two hundred pounds and possibly even arrest. I have personally witnessed such occasions and have been thoroughly disgusted by the lack of tolerance for something that is so innocent and harmless.

When asked why such measures of punishment are deemed necessary, I was informed that skating is considered "criminal damage to private and public property". Really? Let's look at this logically. If that remark is in reference to grinding then it is simply ridiculous, as the surfaces that skaters use, such as concrete ledges and metal handrails, cause more damage to their skates than their skates cause to the surfaces. Think about it, concrete and metal versus plastic and urethane? It's not really much of a contest. What I was most intrigued by was the latter part of the statement made by the police officer, concerning public property. Surely public property is for everyone's use? Evidently not.

I would understand if there was concern for public safety but even then there is little issue for debate as the only people in any danger of getting hurt are ourselves. After all, we are the ones throwing ourselves down these obstacles. The main idea that these signs put across is that rollerblading is something that should be considered illegal, like the signs you see in public parks that tell dog owners to clean up their pet's excrement because to do otherwise is to litter. Apparently when you put on a pair of rollerblades you are no longer worthy of the term "citizen". In wearing skates you become demoted to the category of common criminal and vandal. Having wheels under your feet is almost as incriminating as carrying a concealed weapon or can of spray-paint.

A waste of our money and their time

You have got to question what exactly is going on in a country where the government chooses to waste tax payer's valuable money on erecting signs that are not only unnecessary but are absolutely useless, as they do little to deter skaters from proceeding to ride the property regardless. Surely that money could be used to provide something a little more beneficial to the community?

Consider how much money it would cost to produce at least five hundred signs (that's just to cover the inner city of London alone) and then think about the amount of money it would cost to pay someone an hourly wage to put them all up. Note: Despite what most people may think, council workers receive a fairly generous hourly wage. So let's take the council worker's hourly wage, multiply that by the hours it would take to drive around and attach them all to posts and walls, then add that to the amount it would cost to produce the damn things in the first place. That adds up to a lot of money wasted for a meaningless purpose. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm sure if the councils informed their citizens of exactly how much money they wasted each year on such a pointless concept, the local residents would be far more outraged by such a terrible waste of their hard earned salary as opposed to being resentful towards us for simply putting some scrapes on a few handrails. After all, we're not the ones throwing away their money for something which could be better used to improve their way of life.

Something more appropriate

For arguments sake, let’s say these signs were effective and people did actually take notice of them, there must be signs that would be of a higher priority than ones that tell kids not to rollerblade. For example, I have never once seen a "No Littering" sign, yet every time I have been in a city centre I have observed rubbish, broken glass and cigarette ends as far as the eye can see. I have also never seen any signs saying "No Vandalism" yet every inner city train station and alley have gratuitous amounts of hideous graffiti and tags which make the city look unpleasant and unsafe.


More importantly, I have never once seen a sign which deals with Britain's greatest problem; alcohol abuse. Have you ever seen a sign that says "No drunken fighting or disorderly behaviour"? I didn't think so. Yet these are serious problems that our society faces that need to be addressed and dealt with, not a few kids on skates having some fun. For crying out loud, people are dying out there some weekends as a result of pointless, drunken brawls, yet we are being punished for doing something that is of risk to no one's health but our own. We're not in anyone's way. We're not trying to cause any trouble. All we want is our own little dwellings in the seemingly limitless area that a city provides. The only thing rollerbladers are guilty of is the desire to experience rapture. That doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I must be wrong.

Regardless we persist

Despite these set backs, we continue to thrive, both as an increasingly recognised culture and as a rapidly progressing extreme sport. Fines, confiscation of property and even arrest has done little to reduce our enthusiasm as, every weekend, all across the country, thousands of people venture into their nearest city to meet up with friends and skate their favourite spots. Our passion is too strong to be extinguished by the narrow-minded opinions of those who have seemingly forgotten what it was like to be young and adventurous. These people who stand in our way should not be looked at with anger and frustration but rather with pity and empathy, as they cannot see they are the ones who are wrong. It is them who have lost their way and somehow forgotten what it was like to indulge in the purest of experiences: Fun. So let them take away our spots. Let them put caps on the rails and blind person bumps at the top of stair sets. We'll simply find other ways to skate the obstacles or find entirely different spots altogether. Either way, we're not going away and that's something they're just going to have to accept.

The Academic Dispute

The photo above was taken when I met Eric Bailey back in 2006 at the Amsterdam IMYTA before everyone found out what I knew as soon as I watched his REJECTS profile. Eric Bailey is the future of rollerblading...

Below is one of the first articles I ever had published in a skate magazine back in 2003. Reading it now, it's pretty embarrassing to realise that I am guilty of milking the hell out of my mental thesauraus. Why I felt the need to use complex words and phrases when simple substitutes would have sufficed is beyond me. At least I can appreciate now how pathetic it was for me to try and impress an audience with words that most people will never (and should never have to) encounter in their entire lifetime.

It is also quite funny because the point I was trying to make at the time has no merit now. I was attempting to display that those winning skate competitions are not the icons of our sport because at that time the people winning ASA and X Games events were people like Cesar Mora, Jon Bergeron and Matt Salerno (people who never appeared in magazines of videos). However, this is no longer true because outstanding figures in our sport, such as Chris Haffey, Brian Aragon and Eric Bailey are dominating the competition circuit. Oh well...

Enjoy...


The Academic Dispute

The scholastic system is flawed beyond all logical comprehension. It's not that the teaching method is faulty but rather the way in which its success is weighed. Students are unfairly judged by their performance in trivial exercises such as tests and exams. The scores they receive measure the merit of their knowledge. This harsh injustice means that "good" students are the ones who perform well under the strenuous circumstances of these procedures whereas "bad" students are the ones who do not. The conjecture behind this way of determining a person’s academic merit is defective as a student may possess vast knowledge on the chosen subject they are studying but are merely unable to cope and function well under the strain of examination conditions. Thus, poorer students reap the benefits of composure and are rewarded simply because they are able to focus when faced with distraction. Such methods are terrible ways of measuring someone's intellectual ability.

The exact same problems exist in rollerblading on the part of the ASA and competitions such as the X Games. A skater’s ability is put under intense scrutiny during a 90 second run in which they must display style, creativity, and difficulty as well as consistency. When you are standing at the top of a quarter pipe with the sun bearing down upon you like a large spotlight, knowing that not only do you have the undivided attention of all your peers, but also thousands of spectators who may or may not laugh if you go down on your face, as well as television cameras which broadcast internationally in every home, in every country in the world. Pressure tends to make it ever so slightly difficult to stay focused. Hence, the examination theory intervenes. Good skaters whose vast vocabulary of tricks on handrails, ledges, and large gaps earned them the envy and admiration of skaters everywhere are undermined when they receive poor scores from biased judges who claim they are judging on ability when they are actually judging on composure.

This is why the skaters who win events such as the X Games and the ASA comps are not the best skaters in the world. They are just the best competitors. This is a common misconception on the part of the media and the Aggressive Skaters Association who honestly believe they are awarding first place to the best skater when that is simply not the case. Such events are an insult to our culture as they are NOT street skating competitions. I have never seen a quarter pipe or launch ramp at any urban street spot. Nor have I ever witnessed a spine ramp or bowl positioned next to a stair rail or ledge and I hope I never do, as it would destroy the essence of what street skating is all about. It is the opportunity to explore our imaginations by using objects meant for other purposes for our own enjoyment. It is unjust to claim that these tests of a skater's ability are street events as real street skaters are ill equipped to compete due to the lack of such obstacles on real streets. They should be called PARK competitions, as it is only park skaters that fully benefit from such organised commercial showcases.

The real innovators of skating, the icons that shape the face of our lifestyle, are the ones who are doing so at inner city sites across the world. In the sole presence of their friends, fellow skaters and maybe one or two cameras. Not thousands of screaming spectators who are ignorant to what they witness, believing that the skaters who do the highest airs and the most flips possess the most ability. These icons I speak of are the ones appearing in videos, magazines and even on the Internet. They are the ones who are earning respect due to their unquestionable talent and commitment to furthering a movement that we can call our own.

There are no spotlights on real street with innumerable cameras blinding our approach to obstacles with their flashes. The ASA has no right to claim they are the voice of skaters as they represent the core of what is wrong with skating. The reason rollerblading is so appealing to so many of us is because of its limitless opportunities. There are no rules, regulations or boundaries. There is no right or wrong way to do something. There is only the way you see fit. Geniuses are not always the ones who perform well in schools. Many of the world's great philosophers never even went to school. Rollerblading is a reflection of this. The people who have helped shape our industry and skating itself are not the ones on the podium receiving the gold medal. They are the ones we encounter every day on our travels in search of new places to skate and see in our favourite videos. If we continue to let such organisations dictate the way OUR culture should represent itself we may as well be like football of any other sport, as we will merely be allowing ourselves to be dictated.

Refrain from drowning in the pool of other people's ignorance.




The beginning of the end...

So here goes...

Ahem.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the weird and depraved world of David McNamara a.k.a me. From this sorry moment onwards it will be my pleasure to provide you with the most comprehensive compilation of utter crap you will ever witness in your meaningless lives.

In other words, I will shamelessly post many (if not all) of the interviews and articles I have composed for Be-mag and Unity Magazine (R.I.P.) over the years. If this was not enough to make you call your boss and feign illness with some elaborate fable about how you cannot possibly be at work tomorrow. let me stimulate your appetite further...

I will also be publishing many of the as yet, and forever doomed to be, unpublished short stories I have in my dusty ridden archive.

So look forward to dated articles and interviews, downright ludicrous pieces of short fiction and incoherent ramblings from a young man with thick glasses and a rapidly disappearing hairline.